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Woman Jokes
Man + woman (Added On: 2008-02-25 Rating : 3.98 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate overnight. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument Do you believe in free love (Added On: 2007-03-08 Rating : 2.80 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain restaurant. The food was always good, but the waitress always looked and sounded very sour. One evening, one of the friends was feeling rather good, and jokingly asked the waitress when she came to take their orders, "Ma'am, do you believe in free love?" The waitress huffed up and almost yelled at the man, "I certainly do not!" With a great big grin, the man asked, "Well, Darlin', how much do you charge?" Cat food dinner (Added On: 2007-03-07 Rating : 2.49 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. "Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time." And she dashes out of her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table. When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! "Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!" And that night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great! Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified. "You're going to kill him," they say, or "He's just yanking your chain," but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends. Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. "You killed him!" We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "Ahh, I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel when he was licking his ass Bad Good and Great news (Added On: 2007-03-04 Rating : 3.67 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning." what happened? (Added On: 2006-02-16 Rating : 2.63 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A woman buys milk, a newspaper and some eggs at a supermarket while in the line this man comes up and asks her
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