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Genie Jokes

There are 24 Genie jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The Rabbit, Bear and Genie (Added On: 2017-11-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


There was a Genie that saw a bear chasing a rabbit the genie said if the bear stops he will grant them each two wishes. They Agree the bear says " I want to have the bigest penis that any bear ever had so it is granted the rabbit says " I want a motorcycle" the genie shrugs and grants his wish. Then the bear said I want all the bears but me to be female that is also granted then the rabbit starts his motorcycle and says " I wish the bear was gay" and rides off.


Just one wish. (Added On: 2017-10-30 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said,"Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"


Metaphysical Downsizing (Added On: 2017-10-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.) Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and -- oh, surprise -- out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, “What is your first wish?” The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, “I would like to be rich!” So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, “My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!” And poof, he was there. Then the government worker -- or, as I like to call him, civil servant -- decided on his third wish, “I don't want to do any work ever again!” and poof -- ubiquitous ironic twist -- he was back in his office.


Mother in law (Added On: 2017-10-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A man is walking down the beach one day and he finds a lamp. He gives it a rub and out pops a genie. The genie says "Since you have released me from my prison you can have three wishes, but with these wishes there is a catch. Whatever you get your mother-in-law gets double." The man thinks for a minute and says "For my first wish I want fifty million dollars."He thinks for a little while longer and says "For my second wish I want to be adored by the ten most beautiful women in the world." The genie says "You do realize that your mother-in-law gets double of what you just wished for right?" The man nods and says "For my third wish I want to be beaten half to death"


An Ocean of Beer (Added On: 2017-07-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.



Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.



One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"


There are 24 Genie jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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