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General / Unsorted Jokes

There are 3003 General / Unsorted jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Thank You for This Food (Added On: 2017-12-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"


Q&A Jokes (Added On: 2017-12-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

Q: Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
A: They like to "go" first class!

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!

Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor.

Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
A:St. O'Claus!

Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A:Sure, they're green with envy!

Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A:To keep from falling in the stew!

Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
A:Sure, they're great at shorthand!

Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A:He took a shortcut!

Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A:Short ribs!

Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A:Because they're very short - tempered!


School girl job (Added On: 2017-12-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Mr. Brown the old history teacher had a dirty mouth. He was always saying something off color or suggestive.

One day after class, Sally approaches his desk with a flock of girls in tow.

"Mr. Brown," she said, "We are tired of your filthy remarks and we aren't going to put up with in anymore! The next time you say something nasty in class, we are all going to complain to the principal."

Mr. Brown was silent and the girls stormed off thinking they had cowed him.

The next day as everyone arrives in class, Mr. Brown is reading the newspaper.

The bell rings, but he continues to read. Finally, he looks up and says, "Oh girls, you should find this interesting. The government is recruiting whores to go to Afghanistan and screw the servicemen over there for $100 a day."

All at once the girls get up and head for the door.

"Wait a minute!" shouted Mr. Brown. "The boat doesn't leave till Thursday!"


This is heaven ... Mmmmm ... (Added On: 2017-12-14 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to.

They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven,it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part ... you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your damn bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"


Alricht EuroEnglisch (Added On: 2017-12-14 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be
the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year
phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k".
This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
"ph" will be replased with the letter "f". This will make words like "fotograf"
20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach
the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben
a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent "e"s in the languag is drisgrasful, and they should go away.

By the 4th year, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z"
and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and similar shanges vud of kors be aplied to ozer kombinations of leters. After
zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ish ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!


There are 3003 General / Unsorted jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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