Wedding Jokes

There are 86 Wedding jokes in this category.

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I just needed to use your car (Added On: 2010-08-16 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star." Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

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A quote on marriage (Added On: 2010-07-27 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.

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Married vs bachelors (Added On: 2010-06-21 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

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Yard Sale (Added On: 2010-06-16 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man named Jim was trying to have a yard sale and he was cleaning the front yard but he couldn't find the rake so he motioned to his wife who was upstairs about to get into the shower. He calls out 'Where is the rake?' She says 'What!' so he points to his eye (I) hits his knee (need) then he makes raking motions she replies by pointing at her eye then grabbing her left breast then she slaps her ass, then rubs her crotch. He immediately runs into his house up the stairs and before he can open his mouth his wife says 'eye left tit behind the bush'.

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Tricky Ads (Added On: 2010-06-14 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings she asked them to write home and tell her about their married life.

The first wrote back on the second day. The letter arrived with a single message: 'Maxwell Coffeehouse.' The mother was confused but finally noticed a Maxwell coffee ad, and it said, 'Satisfaction to the last drop...' So the mother was happy.

Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message read: 'Rothmans.' So the mother looked for the Rothmans ad, and it said, 'LIFE SIZE, KING SIZE.' And the mother was happy.

Then it was the third one's wedding. The mother was anxious. It took four weeks for a message to come through. When it did the message was simply: 'BRITISH AIRWAYS.'

The mother was so concerned. She frantically went through all the newspapers at home looking for a BA ad. When she found one she fainted.

The ad read: 'TWO TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS.'

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There are 86 Wedding jokes in this category.

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