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True Stories Jokes

There are 21 True Stories jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

From the Honolulu Advertiser more (Added On: 2017-10-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20 years ago as printed
in Ann Landers, Sunday, April 7, 1996, (slightly rephrased):

Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii
sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis
Team after its tour of Communist China.

The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.


On February 3, 1990, a (Added On: 2017-09-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


On February 3, 1990, a Renton (Seattle area) man tried to commit a
robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by his
lack of a record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid
choice:

The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gunshop;
The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
fraction of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
handguns in public places;
To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked King County
Police patrol car parked at the front door;
An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
coffee before reporting to duty.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and
fired a few wild shots.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the
gene pool.

Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one
else was hurt.


In the current film, Titanic, (Added On: 2017-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


In the current film, Titanic, the character Rose is shown giving the
finger to Jack (another character).Many people who have seen the film,
question whether "giving the finger" was done around the time of the
Titanic disaster,or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant
seventh-grader. According to research, here's the true story:

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory
over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured
English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw
the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the
future. This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and
the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck
yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and
began mocking the French by waved their middle fingers at the defeated
French,saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK YEW!"

Over the years some 'folk etymologies' have grown up around this symbolic
gesture. Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say (like "pleasant
mother pheasant plucker", which is who you had to go to for the feathers
used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the
beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F',and thus the
words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly
thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also
because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is
known as "giving the bird".

And yew all thought yew knew everything!


Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: (Added On: 2017-06-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival
in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no
bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored
in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one bull
against [a town of] a thousand morons."


An elderly lady did her (Added On: 2017-06-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


An elderly lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car found four
males sitting in the car.


She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at
them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will
if required...so get out of the car!


The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran
like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the
back of the car and got into the driver's seat.


Small problem: her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and
parked four or five spaces further down.


She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The
sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with
laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where four very pale
males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman.


No charges were filed.


There are 21 True Stories jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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