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Aviation Jokes

There are 29 Aviation jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The Christmas airport (Added On: 2017-12-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." "Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss." "That's not why it's there." "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?" "It's there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye."


Aerial Photography (Added On: 2017-11-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A photographer from a well know national magazine
was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.

The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the
fire fighters as they battled the blaze.

When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke
was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it
impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level.
He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos
from the air. His request was approved and arrangements
were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where
a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport
and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with
his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little
plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three
low passes so I can take some pictures."

"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he
responded, "and photographers take photographs."

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered,
"You mean you're not the flight instructor?"


"This is your captain speaking. (Added On: 2017-09-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


"This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire."If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you."That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording."


You Might be a Michigander (Added On: 2017-08-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


You Might be a Michigander......

If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding....
If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake....
If your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any
sport!)...
If snow tires come standard on all your cars....
If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry....
If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week....
If you can identify an Ohio accent....
If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.....
If you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your
bike....
If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder....
If you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you
grew up....
If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is....
If someone aks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've
been to Ann Arbor"....
If "Down South" to you means Toledo....
If you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.....
If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and
baseball...
If traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon...
If you think "going up north" would be a great vacation....in January....
If you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or
"lopers"...
If the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's,
Little Ceasar's and Hungry Howie's...
If a Big Mac is something you can drive across....
If you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island....
If you had to get a passport to go to Ohio....
If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones...
If your kid's baseball and softball games have ever been snowed out...
If the trees in your backyard have spigots....
If you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists....
If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop"...
If you know what a pastie is...
If you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right....
If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus...
If you have a favorite hockey team...
If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's...
If you know how to play Euchre...


The most intelligent person (Added On: 2017-06-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by
a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,
"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are
five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am
taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the
luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped offthe plane.
Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very
important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest
politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country,
and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage
area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left,
and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live
any more. You take the last parachute and jump."The school boy said,
"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us!
The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"


There are 29 Aviation jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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