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They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.""But, madam!", replied the bellman."Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager.""Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"

Curly Pubic Hair (Added On: 2012-11-23 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Why is pubic hair curly?So you don't poke your eyes out!

Work Vs Prison (Added On: 2012-11-19 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

In Prison:You spend your time in an 8 x 10 cellAt Work:You spend your time in an 6 x 8 cubicleIn Prison:You get three free meals a dayAt Work:You get one break for a meal you pay forIn Prison:A guard locks and unlocks all doors for youAt Work:You carry a security card, you unlock the doorsIn Prison:You get to watch TV and play gamesAt Work:You get fired for watching TV and playing gamesIn Prison:You get your own toiletAt Work:You have to shareIn Prison:Family and friends are allowed to visitAt Work:You're not allowed to speak to family or friendsIn Prison:Expenses are paid by taxpayers and work is not requiredAt Work:You pay to go to work and you get to deduct expenseson your taxes to pay for prisonersIn Prison:You look through the bars, hoping to get outAt Work:You want to get out so you can go inside the barsIn Prison:The wardens who are often called sadisticAt Work:The wardens are called managers

Body parts turning blue (adultish) (Added On: 2012-08-31 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my testicles has turned blue."

The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn't have his testicle removed.

"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?"

"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the operation, he came back.

"Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other testicle has turned blue too."

Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.

"Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation.

But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue."

After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course he did not want to hear about it.

"You really want to die?", asked the doctor.

"But ... how do I pee?"

"We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."

So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the unfortunate man again returns the doctor's office. He is very angry.

"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."

"What?"

"Can you tell me what a hell is happening?"

So, the doctor examined the patient, VERY carefully this time, and says, "Hmmmm, I think it might be the jeans ..."

Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care (Added On: 2012-08-18 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

What does HMO stand for?
This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go
back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a
patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was
poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical
finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral
slips, but the result remains the same.
Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
No. Only those you need.
I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the
doctor I want?
Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were
participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered.
These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no
longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no
longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half
day's drive away!
What are pre-existing conditions?
This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they
want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to
be pre-stuck with it.
Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.
What should I do?
Poke yourself in the eye.
I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly
cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery,
but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?
You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement
check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in
one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about,
like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.
What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing
your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and
then get sick.
I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a
heart transplant right in his office?
Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10
co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
Will health care be any different in the next century?
No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

Written by David Lubar

There are 68 Doctor jokes in this category.

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