A + Jokes - Hilarious Jokes

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

I'm a Photographer, Not a... (Added On: 2012-01-15 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A photographer for anational magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advisedthat a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived atthe airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane waswaiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense mansitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air,though flying erratically.

"Fly over the northside of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-levelpasses."

"Why?" asked thenervous pilot.

"Because I'm going totake pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographerstake pictures!"

The pilot replied,"You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

You Might be a Michigander (Added On: 2011-12-25 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

You Might be a Michigander......

If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding....
If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake....
If your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any
sport!)...
If snow tires come standard on all your cars....
If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry....
If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week....
If you can identify an Ohio accent....
If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.....
If you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your
bike....
If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder....
If you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you
grew up....
If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is....
If someone aks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've
been to Ann Arbor"....
If "Down South" to you means Toledo....
If you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.....
If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and
baseball...
If traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon...
If you think "going up north" would be a great vacation....in January....
If you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or
"lopers"...
If the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's,
Little Ceasar's and Hungry Howie's...
If a Big Mac is something you can drive across....
If you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island....
If you had to get a passport to go to Ohio....
If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones...
If your kid's baseball and softball games have ever been snowed out...
If the trees in your backyard have spigots....
If you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists....
If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop"...
If you know what a pastie is...
If you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right....
If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus...
If you have a favorite hockey team...
If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's...
If you know how to play Euchre...

Plane ride (Added On: 2011-11-20 Rating : 4.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars,and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars,and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Fred replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Top 20 U.S.Air advertising slogans (Added On: 2011-08-25 Rating : 3.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

U.S.Air: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
U.S.Air: We're Amtrak with wings.
Join our frequent near-miss program.
On certain flights, every section is a smoking section.
Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
The kids will love our inflatable slides.
You think it's so easy, get your own damn plane!
Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
U.S.Air: We may be landing on your street.
U.S.Air: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
Bring a bathing suit.
Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
Fly U.S.Air. Find out if there really is a God.
U.S.Air: A real man lands where he wants to.

There are 30 Aviation jokes in this category.

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