A + Jokes - Hilarious Jokes

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy.

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"

"Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"4 cents," replies the bartender.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy...
"Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies...
"Same as I'm doing to his business!"

Bar Flies (Added On: 2013-05-09 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An Englishman, American, and Irishman, all walk into a bar and order a beer. The bartender hands them there beer, however there are flies in each mug of beer. Well the Englishman pushes the beer aside and says, "That's disgusting." The American pulls the fly out and starts drinking the beer. The Irishman pulls the fly out, sets it out the counter and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD

Braggadocio (Added On: 2013-05-02 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons."My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!" "My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!" "My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock.""Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday."

Sleeping around (Added On: 2013-04-23 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman.
He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, miss?"

"Don't miss me, mister."

"Well then, you better make it 13."

A traveling salesman walks into a bar and sees a farmer. "Can you give
me a place to spend the night?" he asks.

"You can sleep in the barn, says the farmer, but whatever you do, don't
disturb my chicken."

The salesman thanks him and pulls a duck out of his pocket, which immediately
sits down and starts playing the piano.

"We don't allow any farm animals in here," says the bartender.

"Do you have any matches?" asks the salesman.
"Sure," says the bartender.

"Good," says the salesman, "now I can find the Mac truck and drive out."

Doing so, the salesman takes the farmer home, and goes to the barn. Once
there he sees this nest full of rice, which, for no good reason, he proceeds
to eat. The next day, he sees the farmer's daughter (who is naturally stark
naked), and compliments her on the rice.

"Oh that wasn't rice," says the naked farm girl. My father's chicken died
two weeks ago. Those were maggots. Would you like some hot buttered corn?"

"No," says the salesman, "But I'd like some of those cheerios you're eating."

"Oh, these aren't Cheerios," says the farm girl, "These are..."

"Never mind!" says the salesman, and begins to leave.

"Where are you going?" says the farmgirl.

"I'm going to get to the other side," says the salesman.

"Careful," says the farm girl. "That's how our chicken died. Please stay
and have some mung!"

"What's mung?" asks the salesman.

"It's a long story, " she replies.

- Franz Kafka

A boy is watching television and hears the name Jesus Christ. Wondering
who Jesus Christ is, he asks his mother. She tells him that she is
busy, and to ask his father. His father is also busy so he asks his
brother. His brother kicks him out of the room because he doesn't have
time to answer his stupid questions, so he goes downtown and sees a bum
in an alley. He asks the bum, "Who's Jesus Christ?" and the bum
replies, "Well, I am." The boy, not believing the bum, asks for proof.
So the bum takes the boy into the bar down the street and takes him
inside. They walk up to the bar and the bartender exclaims, "Jesus
Christ, are you in here again?"

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