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Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other. The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the FrenchRiviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I cantell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis." After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was justtrying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about?Well, it's not to the French Riviera. It's to my parents' house in Philadelphia for two weeks." The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes. He bought me a Honda." "Well," the thirdone says, "I also have a confession to make. Canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"

Little Johnny at it again! (Added On: 2013-05-13 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.

"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".

"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.

Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, fuckin' Rat!"

Morticians (Added On: 2013-05-05 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Three morticians were having a few drinks one night and started discussing their hardest cases. The first said I believe I had the hardest. I had a young man that ran into a tree, it took a week before I could show him.The second smiled, "That's nothing" he said. I had this couple that hit a train. It took two weeks before I could show them.The third grinned and said "You two didn't have anything, I had a woman who jumped off a ten story building. She landed on a fire hydrant. It took me three weeks to get the smile off her face.

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? (Added On: 2013-05-04 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? Because they both drip when they're fucked!

Sleep, Sleep, Nails! (Added On: 2013-04-24 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

One day 3 dogs wer sitting in front of the vets office. The 1st dog notcies the othher dogs and asked them what they did."i ate my owners cord" said the first dog."and im getting put 2 sleep.""me 2"said the 2nd dog."what did u do"asked the 1st dog to the 3rd dog.'well u c my owner likes 2 do her house work in the nude so yesterday she was vacuuming in the nude of course and i couldn't resist i jumped on and had the ride of my life."responded the 3rd dog."so your getting put 2 sleep 2?"asked the 2nd dog."no, i'm getting my nails trimmed."

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