Animal Jokes

There are 151 Animal jokes in this category.

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More Brains Than Dogs (Added On: 2013-05-15 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Why are men endowed with a half ounce more brains than dogs?

So they know not to embarrass themselves by humping women's knees at parties.

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Definition of Marriage (Added On: 2013-04-02 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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Difference between cats and dogs (Added On: 2013-03-17 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture
in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't
hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a
kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats

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The Brown and White Cows! (Added On: 2012-12-10 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture.

He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy.

After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends.

"Say, Pop," said the boy.
"Yes," replied his father.
"The bull just screwed the brown cow!"

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said "Excuse me" and took his son outside.

"Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say 'The bull "surprised" the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull "surprises" the white cow."

The father went back inside the house.
After a while the boy came in and said, "Hey, Daddy!"
"Yes, son. Did the bull "surprise" the white cow?"

"He sure did, Pop! He screwed the brown cow again!"

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Bad Parrot (Added On: 2012-11-24 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man named Fred owned a parrot that hardly ever stoped talking. One day the man was going to have an old friend over so he told the parrot to be quiet or else he would flush him. The parrot kept talking and the man warned him again. It didn't work. The parrot kept right on talking. The man took the parrot and flushed him down the toilet. When Fred's friend arived he asked if he could use the bathroom. Fred said sure it is the first door on the right. When the man comes out he asks Fred if he has a tape player in the bathroom. Fred says no and than asks why. The man tells Fred that he heard something say "I see your heini, looks so shiny." So Fred and his friend go in there and Fred sees his parrot going in circles singing "Floatin' Down The River On A Big Brown Log"

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There are 151 Animal jokes in this category.

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