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If you love something ... (Added On: 2013-05-23 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and
always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to
begin with. If it just sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and
never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you
either married it or gave birth to it!
Q: How many terrorists (Added On: 2013-05-23 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two: one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb and another to claim responsibility in phone call to the news media.
P.M.S. (Added On: 2013-05-23 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if, by some miracle, they actually found the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged across two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE RUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THIS HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS.... I'm sorry... what did you ask me?
Yo mama is so stupid (Added On: 2013-05-22 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Chanukah Stamps (Added On: 2013-05-22 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She says to the clerk "May I have 50 Chanukah stamps please."
"What denomination?," says the clerk.
The woman says "Oy vay, my g-d, has it come to this? Okay, give me 6 orthodox, 12 conservative and 32 reform!"
Something (Added On: 2013-05-22 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Something that never happens in our generation.
Real Mothers... (Added On: 2013-05-21 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Real Mothers . . .
Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to makeit.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade . . . It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom.
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