Welcome to A + Jokes - Your online resource for funny and hilarious jokes. See the 5 latest jokes added here. Browse the menu on the left for category based jokes. Check out the comic strip section where you can find many cartoons updated on a daily basis and weekly basis.
Betty Brelia and a tatoo (Added On: 2013-12-13 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Betty Brelia wanted a Tatoo and ask her husband if he would mind. He told her to go ahead.
So she went to a tatoo parlor and had a large "B" tatooed on each cheek of her rear.
When she returned home she was eager to show her husband, so she bent over and pulled her pants down.
She asked her husband how he like it ... and he replied, "Who the hell is Bob"?
Top 5 men in a woman's life... (Added On: 2013-12-13 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are:
3. Coal man.
5. Bank manager.
A Doctor says to take off your clothes.
A Dentist says open wide.
A Coal man asks "where do you want it, front or back?"
A Decorator says "how do you like it now that itís up?"
A Bank manager says "donít take it out youíll lose interest"!
Carefully Placed Periods (Added On: 2013-12-13 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video. He found it to be a great but complicated job.
One day he was at the register and a older man came in and asked if he could buy a phone card. So the guy gave him a card, and he wrote him a check for $39.80. He then told him that it was 20 cents short, so he gave him 2 dimes.
Unfortunitely when he typed this into the computer, he missed the period on the keyboard and it came up as 20 dollars.
That night, the manager said that he was $19.80 short. The manager thought the guy had stolen it, so he fired him immediately.
And the moral to this story is:
"Guys get in trouble over missed periods."
Comeback Lines! (Added On: 2013-12-12 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
M: I know how to please a woman.
W: Then please leave me alone.
M: I want to give myself to you.
W: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
M: Your hair color is fabulous.
W: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
M: You look like a dream.
W: Go back to sleep.
M: I can tell that you want me.
W: Yes, I want you to leave.
M: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
M: Your body is like a temple.
W: Sorry, there are no services today.
M: Is this seat empty?
W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
M: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
W: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
W: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Ethnic slur, otherwise clean (Added On: 2013-12-12 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
This ethnically disadvantaged male person goes into the travel agency and proclaims, "I've seen your ad about a $99.00 trip to Hawaii, and I'd like to go."
The travel agent says, "Listen, friend, this is my first day here, but I know about all the details of that crumby $99.00 offer, and believe me, you DON'T want it. Take the next best offer, which is only $1,399.00."
"Oh, no you don't," says the Polak, "you're not going to catch ME with that bait and switch. The ad says `$99.00 to Hawaii,' and THAT's what I want."
"Okay," says the agent, who takes a baseball bat from under the desk and hits the Polak in the head. The Polak wakes up a few hours later, on a raft out in the Pacific Ocean!
He looks around, and there's NOTHING, only he and another Polak on the raft.
"What are we going to do?" cries our hero, "surely they'll send a ship for us."
"I don't think so," responds his new-found travelling companion, "they didn't LAST YEAR."
Gordon's Object Lifespan Theorem: (Added On: 2013-12-12 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Gordon's Object Lifespan Theorem: No matter the amount of care given the purchased object, it will fuse/explode/disassemble within three days of warranty expiration.
What's It Called? (Added On: 2013-12-11 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Little Johnny was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when people are sleeping on top of each other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Johnny just said, "OK" and went back outside to play. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called bunk beds!"
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