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Billed Hours (Added On: 2016-06-28 Rating : 2.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.
"I'm very young to die! I'm only 30!" St.Peter agreed that 30 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to verify his case.
When St.Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108."
Rabbit (Added On: 2016-06-28 Rating : 2.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
Talking Dog (Added On: 2016-06-28 Rating : 2.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars."
The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking-dog stuff? There ain't no such animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times."
"Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies.
Homework Assignment (Added On: 2016-06-28 Rating : 2.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
Eventually little Johnny’s turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny.
"Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
A quote on marriage (Added On: 2016-06-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.
Celery me (Added On: 2016-06-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Celery me you lunch will you, I'm hungry!
Mae be (Added On: 2016-06-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Mae be I'll tell you or Mae be I won't!
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