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How many white girls... (Added On: 2016-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
How many white girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? None because she's to busy screwing her cousin! Isn't that funny!
Last but not least I would like to say to the makers of this sight that you are the dumbest bunch of SOB's that I have ever seen. You must have blacks on your mind everyday day and night to do a whole website of them. Maybe if you would stop thinking of them so much and think about the fact that your Sister is really your aunt then maybe you wouldn't spend as much time thinking about blacks. Also I am sick tired of hearing you all tell us to go back to Africa, well if that's the case why don't you go back to England because you stole this land from the Indians. Oh and the next time you want to call a black a nigger why don't you consider the fact that a nigger is an ignorant person and I guess that includes you to.
Two Canadians (Added On: 2016-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
Mike:"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"Rob:What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
Miike:"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? (Added On: 2016-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
A: More leg room.
A Skier's Dictionary (Added On: 2016-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
- Alp - One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?"
- Avalanche - One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.
- Bindings - Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury.
- Bones - There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: There are two bones of the middle ear that have never been broken in a skiing accident.
- Cross-Country Skiing - Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It isn't skiing. See Cross-Country Something-Or-Other.
- Cross-Country Something-or-Other - Touring on skis along trails in scenic wilderness, gliding through snow-hushed woods far from the hubbub of the ski slopes, hearing nothing but the whispery hiss of the skis slipping through snow and the muffled tinkle of car keys dropping into the puffy powder of a deep, wind-sculped drift.
- Exercises - A few simple warm-ups to make sure you're prepared for the slopes: *Tie a cinder block to each foot with old belts and climb a flight of stairs. *Sit on the outside of a second-story window ledge with your skis on and your poles in your lap for 30 minutes. *Bind your legs together at the ankles, lie flat on the floor; then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet.
- Gloves - Designed to be tight enough around the wrist to restrict circulation, but not so closefitting as to allow any manual dexterity; they should also admit moisture from the outside without permitting any dampness within to escape.
- Gravity - One of four fundamental forces in nature that affect skiers. The other three are the strong force, which makes bindings jam; the weak force, which makes ankles give way on turns; and electromagnetism, which produces dead batteries in expensive ski-resort parking lots. See Inertia.
- Inertia - Tendency of a skier's body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton's First Law of Motion. Goes along with these other physical laws: * Two objects of greatly different mass falling side by side will have the same rate of descent, but the lighter one will have larger hospital bills. * Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, but if it drops out of a parka pocket, don't expect to encounter it again in our universe. * When an irrestible force meets an immovable object, an unethical lawyer will immediately appear.
- Prejump - Manuever in which an expert skier makes a controlled jump just ahead of a bump. Beginners can execute a controlled prefall just before losing their balance and, if they wish, can precede it with a prescream and a few pregroans.
- Shin - The bruised area on the front of the leg that runs from the point where the ache from the wrenched knee ends to where the soreness from the strained ankle begins.
- Ski! - A shout to alert people ahead that a loose ski is coming down the hill. Another warning skiers should be familiar with is "Avalanche!" - which tells everyone that a hill is coming down the hill.
- Skier - One who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.
- Stance - Your knees should be flexed, but shaking slightly; your arms straight and covered with a good layer of goose flesh; your hands forward, palms clammy, knuckles white and fingers icy, your eyes a little crossed and darting in all directions. Your lips should be quivering, and you should be mumbling, "Why?"
- Thor - The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.
- Traverse - To ski across a slope at an angle; one of two quick and simple methods of reducing speed.
- Tree - The other method.
Oh, blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape.
Frenchman and Italian were in the woods... (adult theme) (Added On: 2016-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods hunting together when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude.
"Would I love to eat that? Oui, oui!", the Frenchman said, smacking his lips.
So the Italian shot her.
Down on the farm (Added On: 2016-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
An old farmer and his hired hand were clearing out a line of brush that had become overgrown. There were a number of trees among the bushes; the hired man asked if they should go, too.
"No," said the farmer, "That tree there has some sentimental value. The first time I got laid was under that tree."
"Well, how about that other tree, then?" asked the hired man.
"No - I'd like to save that one, too. Her mother was standing under it."
"You mean her mother was standing right there the first time you got laid?"
"What'd she say?"
Things to know (Added On: 2016-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
The more confidential the memo, the more likely it will be left in the copy machine.
The new improved model always appears on the market just after you've bought the old model.
The person who suggests spitting the bill evenly is always the person who ordered the most expensive items
The chance of a sudden cloudburst is in direct proportion to the amount of suede your're wearing.
The novice poker player will always take home the pot
You always get sick on the second day of your vacation and always recover the day before you return to work.
The odd little noise you ignored all night will turn out to be a major disaster.
The only things super stick will bond successfully are your fingers
When a traffic light gets stuck, you will get the red.
If you aren't looking for something you've misplaced, then your're filing something you'll never be able to find.
"One size fits all" items will never fit you!
Your car insurance protects you from everything except what actually happens.
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